Sunday, January 27, 2013



This is a word that is often added to the title of a post in online forums for pregnancy loss. At first I was unsure when it was required. I learned that mentioning a live child or a current pregnancy was a taboo thing to do with out warning others. Although I understand being careful of others feelings, I found it interesting how people try to figure out what might trigger a feeling of loss.

For me trying to figure out or understand what might trigger an unwanted emotion has been a confusing and difficult task. For some reason some pregnant woman really upset me; other times, I wasn't effected at all. Very strange things sometimes are a trigger for me. I broke down crying because of scratches on our dishwasher because it reminded me of scratching the crib we set up for our nursery. I have been struggling with the idea of Heaven and an afterlife, so reading things about seeing your child again in heaven etc. was a trigger for me.

I often hear people say, I don't know what is the right thing to say. The thing is, there is no right thing to say. Every person experiences every loss differently. I have learned to just hear, "I love you, and I care." whenever anyone says something that could be upsetting. I don't even know what I would say to someone else who has experienced this sort of loss. Any phrases that invalidated my feelings were really hard to handle. Try to avoid statements using phrases like, "At least..."

Although things could always be worse, that doesn't make what a person is going through any less difficult or traumatic.

Here are a few things that have been helpful to me.
Know that you are loved.
What can I do to help?
Take all the time you need.
What you are feeling is normal.
Grieve how you need to.
We are here for you.
Call me if you need or want to talk.
Wyatt was very loved.

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