Friday, November 21, 2014

**Trigger*** Is love Alive?? Anniversaries, Memories, and Honoring our Babies....

As the seasons begin to change, I am reminded of  a song called "Winter's Song." This is a year when holiday celebrations should be a good thing, but instead, my heart is filled with memories of sadness and loss. Wyatt's 2nd birthday is right around the corner, and even with my arms filled with one of the most precious gifts life has given me, I still can't shake this feeling of loss. The song asks, "Is love alive?"-----------------
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I started this post last month and couldn't finish it till now......

 Here is my Facebook post from Wyatt's birthday:
 "Today is Wyatt's second birthday. We did a family candle night, and I remade my necklace. We watched the slide show I made for him, and now we are spending time as a family playing games. Happy Birthday Wyatt. You are so loved!"
One of the biggest blessings that has come from being Wyatt's mom even for such a short time is the people I have met along the way. One good friend who has also suffered a loss reminded me that a person who loves us wouldn't want to see us suffer. Guilt is a common emotion surrounding loss especially during time so celebration. I often find myself thinking that I shouldn't be feeling any joy because I am grieving. Sometimes it seems like somehow my level of sadness equates to the amount of love I have for my lost children. After 2 years of struggling with this thought, I finally know that it is just not true. I can express my love for my children with a tear on my cheek or smile on my face.

I have made a point to include my lost children in the fun things we do knowing that in some small way they are still around if only in though a thought or a memory. For Wyatt's birthday, I decided to not do a any grand event, but instead to cherish time with my family while honoring him. I plan to include our lost children in our holiday events as well. I am still brainstorming ideas. Here is one helpful link:
New Holiday Traditions to Honor Your Baby

No matter how much or how little I come up with, my love for my children is certainly alive!

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